becoming visible to myself first

there has been about a dozen times an idea generates beautifully in my mind and i hit the ground running. in those moments, i can see the vision so clearly, as if it’s alive in real time. i don’t have to run the idea by anyone, or ask for permission to move forward. it’s me, my heart, and my mind focused.

and yet, sometimes the vision becomes a blur and i lose track of what i was aiming for. i look around me, and see it was just a fantasy not actualized. i start to wonder if my imagination has forsaken me, or if maybe i do indeed need a healthy dose of validation. i start to feel invisible.

i think about painting, how it’s lived in my heart for months. recently, i sat down to paint a bouquet of memorial flowers for a friend who passed. i sketched everything out and could see the real potential on the canvas. the ideas of what the final painting would look like was so vivid, overshadowing the moment itself. eventually, i put the paint away and left the piece unfinished.

it was such an odd sensation to see something so clearly, yet have it remain invisible, trapped in my imagination. my mind got so active with what could be that i overwhelmed the present moment and didn’t continue forward. i know i’ll return to it one day, soon but that experience reminded me how visibility can blur between what’s imagined and what’s real.

sometimes my imagination shows me things so vividly that they feel undeniable, and yet when i don’t follow through, that vision fades and i start to feel invisible. it’s a strange overlap, how the same imagination that gives me clarity can also leave me questioning my ability to take action.

even though spurts of insecurity arise within me, sitting with my thoughts and continuing to nurture that part of my brain allows me to realign with my purpose. it reminds me that the blur is only temporary. when i give myself that space, i can begin drafting the next steps, slowly becoming clearer on what my goals actually are. i can truly listen to what i want without the noise of gaining someone’s approval.

but every now and then, a pleasant surprise comes along when i stand before a moment, and all of the dreaming is truly, right before me. like growing my lesson studio. i felt all along, that one day it would grow just enough to land me my time and freedom again, and sure enough. it feels better. it’s a reflection of my imagination, proof that becoming visible to myself first makes way for the vision to take shape in the real world